so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
