Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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