So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
