conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize