You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
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