it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Randomize
