it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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