They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
