im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize