And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
