I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
