If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
