Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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