i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
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