I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
