Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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