I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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