I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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