i really wish james franco would like my vagina
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
