I think my vagina is haunted
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
