I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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