I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
