I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
