I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize