It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
