if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize