you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
