dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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