Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
