Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
