All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
