Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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