just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
