Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
