You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
