i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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