they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
