I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
