My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
