Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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