They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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