Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
