Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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