He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
