No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Say something about gay babies.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
