Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
