Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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