When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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