he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
