I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
