Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize