That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
