i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize