my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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