Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize