i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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