I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
