he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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