I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
