Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
