Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
