On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
