I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
