I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
