she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
