is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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