Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i barfeds in our rink
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
