bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
