Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
