why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
i out mim tonsoeep
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