you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
