There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
