the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
