can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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