is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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