the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
