TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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