quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
