well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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