Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
My penis needs a shock collar
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
