We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
