First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
