I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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