we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
