where am i from again
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
