you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Im just a social blackout drinker.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize