The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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