Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
