I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
We don't watch enough power rangers
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
