Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Duck Duck Cougar?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
