you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize