My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
