a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
