dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Randomize
