if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize