just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
