He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
