I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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