I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
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