your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
