shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
