Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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