I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
