i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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