Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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