meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
