Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
