Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
