We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
