After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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