I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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