oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
