I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
