She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
