i'm lost and i look like a hooker
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
